Very different. Why has the horse led me through here, she asked herself as the atmosphere became more and more menacing and she began to be jostled by the gathering throng of citizenry who seemed to be pouring out onto the street to vent their rage against her."Go on, you can't help me. Save yourself, old boy." she muttered to the horse, which, since she was still forbidden to mount it, could be of no assistance to her as a way of escape from the people's increasing wrath. The animal did as. The party began with the usual procession of Aunts, Uncles, random relatives and various family friends. There was Pimms and polite conversations and plenty of ‘Oh how you’ve grown’ (even though I am nearing 40). ‘How’s the wife and family?’ the usual light banter. Then it happened. The last time I had seen her she was a shy awkward teenager, this was no longer the case. Immediately we connected. We spend some time making general conversation, talking about family and work, those sorts of. If I pushed there was this horrible grinding ache deep within me, it hurt too much. There were at least three inches to go. I had come this far, dared this much, and I couldn’t take it all. There I was, fifty years old, tears streaming down my face, my dreams lost. He actually looked kind at that moment, saying: “Just start fucking man, you’ll take it.” So I lifted up from him, the feel of withdrawal almost as alarming as his entry. My insides felt they were being sucked with him. I stopped. "Gail, please take this back to Melissa and tell her that it was a gift from me, freely given, and I'd like her to keep it. Hopefully she will look back on our time together with some fondness. Tell her that I got her message loud and clear, though, and I won't be bothering her anymore."Gail said something, but I didn't hear as I turned, closed my locker and headed back out the door. I could feel the tears stinging my eyes as I wandered away from the school, and this time I made no effort to.
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